Boundaries - More than Saying "No"

Myth: Boundaries are all about saying “no”.

That’s only a small fraction of what boundaries are actually about.

So besides exiting relationships with narcissists, let's talk about what makes boundaries so juicy.

The truth is, boundaries are just as much about what we let in as what we keep out.

They are just as much about creating what you want as what you're not okay with.

That's what I want to focus on:

• How do you create the amazing relationships you want with boundaries?

• What do you want?

• What do you want to let in?

• What do you want more of?

What makes boundaries so exciting is... Everything is a negotiation.

In every decision, you have an opportunity to create a "Fuck yes" for both of you instead of people-pleasing; To include exactly what you ideally want - all of yourself and your partner.

This is the dance of boundaries... How two individuals choose to connect, relate and play with each other moment by moment. They include:

1) How you dance with opposing needs - How you maintain individuality, autonomy and freedom within deep intimacy and union.

2) Consequences & accountability (upholding or maintaining your boundaries) - Understanding how to connect, influence and support vs correct and punish.

3) Motivations - Understanding why you are making requests and what any request provides for you or the other.

4) Making and receiving requests, demands and offers (and knowing the difference).

5) Core values - Understanding how every boundary and upset is connected to a core value.

6) Standards, needs, and desires (theirs and yours) - The spectrum the ranges from preference to dealbreaker/standard (of how you deserve to be treated).

7) Negotiation & Agreements - Understanding how to make decisions that are in both of your best interests instead of competing to get your needs met.

8) Self-Trust & Self-Worth - Valuing and trusting your truth. Many of us have been trained to minimize what we feel and doubt ourselves. It’s important to give weight to your truth and treat yourself as an equal.

9) Repair - Understanding what to do when you hurt someone or get hurt (boundaries “crossed”) and how to come back into connection.

10) Shared Vision - Every negotiation needs a shared aim or vision. Your vision is what unites you on the same team, and creates the opportunity for win-win instead of compromise where each person gives something up.