Boundaries Can Actually Build Connection

Leaving isn’t always the best option. But sometimes it is and we just don’t want to face it. Conflict makes us face an End-point or an Evolution-point.

Conflict says, “You cannot continue the way you have together. Something has got to change.

If you and your partner don’t evolve, you come to an end because your current way of relating is not sustainable.”

• So how do you stay with them while respecting your needs?

• How do you honour your boundaries without upsetting them? Is that even possible?

• Maybe you should just be able to let go and accept them as they are…?

No, that’s called minimizing your needs. You’re just about done with that.

No more sweeping how you really feel under the rug while you give them the benefit of the doubt.

No more brushing it off, shouldering the burden of their closedoff-ness; trying to get them to do “the work”.

The truth is we avoid owning our boundaries because we risk losing our relationship when we own our standards, needs and preferences.

It’s so hard to face the reality, that right now, you might not be aligned, compatible or able to meet each other.

That could change, but right now, that might be what’s true.

It’s important for most people to try everything they can to make a relationship work before they can find peace to leave, to let go;

Or at least take the space that’s required right now, to gain perspective, to connect with themselves, to stop “trying to make it work” and let the dust of evolutionary-conflict settle.

Boundaries are how you do the dance of opposites:

• Closeness and space.

• Freedom and connection.

• Intimacy and autonomy.

What if what will help you become close, is space? Actual space. Time apart.

Of course there’s no guarantees you’ll ever come back together again. Evolution moves us into the unknown. That’s why it’s scary-exciting.

Love really is letting go. It doesn’t have to mean forever.

Love says:

Maybe what’s best for us right now is space. Maybe the best for you isn’t me right now. Maybe the best for me isn’t you right now.

The "us" that we knew is dying. There's grief and joy in that.

Here's to valuing your needs as equal to theirs.